Looking Back on it All
by RemusGirl21
Summary: Xander Harris looks back on the choices he made, each one leading him to the man he loves. !SLASH! Crossover with HP
1. Prologue

**Title: Looking Back on it All  
Author: RemusGirl  
Rating: FR15 for right now, rating will become higher in the future  
Catagory: BtVS/HP  
Genre: Slash  
Pairing: Xander Harris x Remus Lupin**

**X-Posted with Twisting the Hellmouth. Name under RemusGirl. This is where the juicy bits will be found since wont let NC-17 happen! **

Summary: One man looks back on the choices he has made, each on leading him to the man he loves.

Disclaimer: If I owned BtVS of Harry Potter there would be slash in each show and chapter. Very EXPLICIT slash. So no, I don't own it.

Prologue  
"Looking Back"

Looking back on it all, all the choices he made were good. Even the bad ones. The loneliness and uselessness he felt before was gone. He could speak his mind without being looked down upon or told to shut up. He wasn't the Donut Boy anymore; The Zeppo was gone forever. This was all because of the man lying next to him.

Xander smiled fondly at his lover sleeping peacefully in their bed. How had he come to be there, so long ago? He shook his head, memories swirling through his mind. Standing slowly to his feet, careful not to disturb the man, he glided over to the window to look out onto the Hogwarts grounds below him. The world was a wintry white, every inch cover in snow. Christmas was coming soon, meaning the school would have its huge celebration for those that stayed this year.

"Strange…it was the end of summer then…just before school started…"

...TBC...

More to come! Enjoy!

RemusGirl


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1  
"Leaving Home"**

"What do you mean you're leaving!"

Xander winced at the shrill cry of the Slayer, dread filling the pit of his stomach. She stood in front of him, her hands on her hips, her blue eyes furious. When that look blossomed into her eyes, all it meant was it would be the last thing you see.

"Look Buffster-"

"SHUT UP! I don't want to hear it! You are not leaving and that is the end of it!"

"Who gave you the right to say I can't Buffy Anne Summers? I am 18 years old, I just helped to save the world, and I am tired of it all! I have the right to leave! And I'm going to!"

"But where would you go to?" a soft voice asked from behind him. Xander turned, his chocolate brown eyes landing on his best friend. A sad smile crossed his face at the thought of leaving her behind.

"I don't know Willow…I'm not too clear on that part yet. All I know is that it is going to be far away from here."

Her emerald eyes filled with tears as she turned away from him. Hurt filled him as she walked over to stand next to Buffy. She put her arm through the girls, a sign that was not lost on him.

"Xander, maybe it would be best if you stayed here. It is safer here for someone like you."

"What does that mean, someone like me? You mean someone who is powerless, right?"

The older man sighed as he polished his glasses, trying to not look at the boy.

"All I am saying is-"

"I AM NOT GOING TO BE THE ZEPPO ANYMORE!" Xander screamed, his voice echoing around the room. Every eye in the library was on him now, some glaring but most surprised.

"You all put me in this box that says all I can do is be Donut Boy, or bait. I'm not…I can't…I won't do it anymore. You can all wish me good luck and let me go in peace, or I will never speak to any of you again. Either way, I am leaving."

"How will you get there, to wherever you want to go?"

Xander turned his eyes to the brunette vampire, his only ally anymore. During his senior year the two had gotten closer; now they were like brothers.

"I'm not sure about that either…"

"How about Europe, England actually?" Oz piped up, his werewolf eyes gleaming with humor. Xander and Angel both stared at him, surprised that he had even spoken up at all.

"England? Why there?"

Oz straightened and brushed his blue streaked hair out of his eyes. His ever-present guitar was placed at his feet as he faced Xander head on.

"First off there is no Hellmouth in England. I looked it up. Secondly there is a world beyond that, a world of wizards and witches. You can find sanctuary there."

"A World of Wizards…hmm…sounds like fun!"

"NO WAY! No how! You are not leaving and that is final!" Buffy shrieked in fury. She strode up to Xander and twisted his arm in her grasp. His gasp of pain went unheard by the blonde. But not by the Vampire and the Werewolf. They surrounded Buffy, each one growling in anger. She backed off quickly, but still glared at her friend.

"If you leave now, you can never contact us again. Ever."

Willow gasped at the blonde's words, but one look cut her off. She backed down, her eyes staring at her shoes. Xander's heart ached at her betrayal, but his mind was made up.

"I'm sorry Buffy that it had to end this way…"

He turned and walked out, his stride confident. Angel and Oz followed after.

As Xander watched the in flight movie, he tried not to think about the people he left behind. Angel and Oz, whom Xander found out as they helped him pack were now officially a couple, would visit him soon. Wherever he was at that time. His thoughts strayed to his old family, the ones who betrayed and hurt him. Pain welled in his chest but he pressed it firmly down. They were no longer his family…they would never be again.

**…TBC…**

**Sorry if it was Buffy, Giles, and Willow bashing there. It was just my interpretation on how they would react if Xander left.**

**Well, there is still more to come! Enjoy!**

**RemusGirl**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2  
"A Strange Meeting"**

The Leaky Cauldron was crowded with parents and students that were taking breaks after shopping in Diagon Alley. This was the tavern's busiest time, and the new bus boy was tired to the bone.

"Hey Tom! I'm going to take a break, okay?"

"Not yet lad! I need you to bus table 6 before you do!"

Cursing the old man underneath his breath, Xander headed over to the table in the corner. A man sat there staring off into space, a cup of tea cooling in front of him.

"Um, excuse me…are you okay?"

The man glanced up sharply, his amber eyes coldly scanning him over. Xander shuddered slightly as the man turned away again.

"Um…Tom told me to clean up this table…but since it's still occupied I'll just-"

"I'm done," the man said, his cultured voice hard as stone. But something was there, under the surface that made Xander want to listen to him for as long as he could. The 18 year old summoned his courage and gave the stranger a smile.

"That's okay, you don't have to get up! I can get you another cup of tea if you like!"

"No thank you."

With those three words the man rose to his feet and brushed past him. Xander turned, his chocolate brown eyes wide in shock.

"I'm sorry…for whatever you lost," he whispered. The man stopped short and whirled around to face him. His eyes were now furious, causing Xander to step back.

"Don't speak of things you know nothing about boy," he snarled, his eyes flashing dangerously.

'Werewolf…' Xander thought, his eyes widening with shock.

"I'm sorry sir…you just looked so sad when you were sitting there. The eyes, you know?"

The man stepped closer, now chest to chest with Xander. He could feel the stranger's breath on his face as he stared down at him.

"What about the eyes?"

Xander shivered at the gravely voice. The fear in his gut changed to something else, something that made his cock harden in response.

"Um…they're windows to the soul?"

His hesitant words got a bark of a laugh in return. Though the eyes in question were still diamond hard.

"Whatever," the man growled as his nose wrinkled slightly. A heavy aroma of arousal filled his senses and his amber eyes turned molten gold. Xander realized almost too late what was happening.

'Oh shit…werewolf senses are more advanced…he can smell me!'

"Um…sir…I really need-"

Xander was cut off and the man pulled him into his arms, his scorching lips crashing against his. Xander moaned, his hands coming up to weave through the tan/gray strands. The man pulled him closer, his hot, starving tongue thrusting his lips apart. He nudged Xander's legs slightly apart, his knee coming to rest in between them. Xander's eyes rolled back in his head as he felt the hardness pressing against his center. The stranger's hands streaked a burning path down his back to rest against the swell of his buttocks. The long fingers squeezed firmly, causing Xander to arch his back and cry out.

"Hey lad! Are you done with that table yet? Table 9 needs cleaning!"

The man pushed him away like he was burned. Xander panted through passion-bruised lips as he stared up at the stranger.

"What's your name boy?" the man growled out, his eyes blazing down Xander's shuddering body.

"Xander, Xander Harris," he croaked out, not able to speak well yet. The man chuckled at this and bent down, licking the swollen lips. Xander clutched at him, releasing a small sigh as the man pulled away.

"It has been a pleasure Mr. Harris, one I hope to repeat again in the near future."

The man bowed mockingly before swiveling around. His graceful strides led him across the room and out the door, leaving Xander staring after him in shock. He shakily lifted his hand up, his fingers resting on his heated lips.

"I certainly hope so…"

**…TBC…**

**Ooh! Xander has met our lovely werewolf, even though his name is not necessarily mentioned…but we all know who he is!**

**Oh, and with Remus' OOCness…you will learn why! So right now he is just Naughty Remus and Xander is Virgin Xander…oh the possibilities!**

**RemusGirl**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
"A New Professor"**

"Excuse me, but are you Xander Harris?" a cultured voice asked, startling Xander from his thoughts. He whirled around, brandishing the spoon he was holding as a weapon. To…fight an old man with…it seemed. And he was old. The long white hair and beard gave him away. And another wizard it seemed. The violet and burgundy robes were a dead give away.

"Um…yeah, that's me. And you are?" he asked politely, holding out his hand for the man to shake.

"Of course, how remiss of me! My name is Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Harris."

Xander shook his hand even though the twinkling blue eyes made him wary. He motioned for the man to sit down, knowing he had a long discussion ahead of him.

"So Headmaster, what can I do for you?"

Dumbledore cleared his throat, clearly sizing Xander up before replying.

"You see Mr. Harris, this year I seem to be in need of a Muggle Studies teacher."

Xander shook his head, knowing his next question was going to get him in a lot of trouble.

"And this applies to me how?"

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Now that the sorting has been finished, I would like to introduce you all to the new Muggle Studies Professor, Mr. Xander Harris."

With a sigh Xander placed a smile on his face as he lumbered to his feet. Every single eye was on him at the moment, including one pair of very familiar ones.

'Oh my God…it's him!' Xander thought as he plopped back down, his mind whirling. The man he had been thinking about for the past week was sitting only a few chairs away from him. Xander felt his skin tingle and the familiar ache settle in the pit of his stomach.

'Don't look at him…don't look at him…' Xander willed, keeping his eyes firmly planted on the Headmaster as he began to speak again.

"I would also like to welcome back Professor Remus Lupin as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. May he stay longer then the rest of them!"

The tan/gray haired man rose gracefully from his seat and bowed his head. His amber eyes glowed with intelligence as they trailed along the familiar faces before settling on Xander. Even as he slid back into his seat his eyes remained fixated on him.

Xander felt his face heating up as the meal started. He risked a glance towards the man and nearly gasped. Those fascinating eyes staring into his own burned with desire. A smirk twisted on his lips, causing his face to take on a wicked intent. Xander glanced down quickly, his heart speeding up. The ache in his stomach settled lower and Xander hastily placed his napkin on his lap to cover the rising bulge.

"Mr. Harris, are you quite alright?" asked a feminine voice from beside him. Xander peered quickly at Professor McGonagall, the blush still firmly on his face.

"Yes Minerva, I'm okay. Thanks for asking."

He dug into his food, risking one last glance at the werewolf. The smirk had grown into a sinful smile. His eyes gleamed golden; knowledge of what Xander was going through written in their depths.

'Oh God…this is so not good...he's going to eat me!'

**…TBC…**

**Tee hee…Remus is going to eat Xander up! Oh, this is going to be fun!**

**Please review!**

**RemusGirl**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Plans"

Angel looked up from the case file, a smile spreading across his face at the sound of his friend's voice. He appeared seconds later, panting slightly.

"Are you free next Thursday? A teacher at Hogwarts asked me to speak about vampires but then he kissed me and rubbed my neck then walked away. So I want to torture him by bringing you in and I was hoping you could act like Angelus to scare him a little bit!" Xander yelled out in one breath.

If Angel had been a cartoon, he would have gone swirly eyed at the Xander Babble that the Sunnydale residents seemed to have perfected. But Angel just laughed and humored the boy.

"Would you care to repeat that? But please go slower and enunciate because I haven't quite perfected Xander Babble yet."

"He asked if you were free next Thursday because a teacher there tortured him by not giving out and he wants you to act like Angelus to get even. Did I get that right Xander?" a calm voice asked from behind the brunette. Xander swiveled around, a grin quickly sprouting on his face at the sound of the now bright red haired boy.

"Yep," he nodded, "That sounds about right. You can come to if you want. Except that may be a problem because he is also a werewolf and might go Alpha on you. I'm really not sure."

Oz shrugged as he passed and plopped down in his lover's lap. One hand came up to play with the silky brown strands, the other resting on a broad shoulder.

"It happens."

The sight of the two twisted in Xander's gut. In his mind's eye it wasn't Angel and Oz snuggling, it was he and Remus. It was his hands weaving in the werewolf's silky brown/gray locks. His hand lying peacefully on his shoulder…brushing against the rough wool of his sweater…

Xander shook his head quickly, trying to shake those thoughts from his head. He was not falling for the sexy older man…he just wasn't!

'Oh God…sexy…where did that come from? Sure the way his bangs fall over those glowing gold eyes…the wicked smile he gives me, like he knows what I am thinking all the time…oh damn…I've fallen hard for this guy…'

"Um…just come Thursday morning, my time, okay Angel? See you later!" he stammered, a blush rising to his cheeks. He scrambled out of the room, not even glancing at the dumbstruck occupants he left behind.

"Um…what was that about?" Angel asked, confused. Oz barked out a laugh at his mate's expense.

"I think Xander realized how much he was beginning to like his torturer."

"Oh…well if that's all, I think maybe we should address the me being Angelus issue for Thursday."

A smooth hand cupped Oz's jaw, turning him to look at a pair of burning amber eyes. His gleamed back in response.

"And what, prey tell, does my lover have in mind?"

"Just…this…"

…TBC…

OOH! We just had some Angel/Oz goodness! YAY! And it seems Angelus is coming for class…hmm…what fun this is going to be to plan…

YAY! Enjoy!

RemusGirl


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"The Lesson"

"Xander, are you in here?" Angel yelled, his voice echoing around the spacious room. Oz was next to him leaning against the fireplace mantle. His eyes took in the décor, a slight smile on his face.

"Yeah, I'm here," Xander yawned, rubbing his eyes. All he wore on his body was a pair of black boxer shorts that left little to the imagination.

"When I said morning my time I didn't mean 4:00 am Angel!"

Oz laughed at the expression on his friends face. Blood shot eyes glared into his at the laugh, and Oz abruptly shut his mouth.

"More sleep…you can have the couch," Xander scowled and walked back into his room, slamming the door behind him. He peaked back out seconds later.

"And no naughty stuff on the furniture, in the bathroom, or in my kitchen!"

DATDA Class Sixth Year Gryffindors and Slytherins

"Alright class, as you all know this is Professor Harris…and he seems to have brought a guest with him…" Lupin explained, his eyes darkening with anger. Xander came to stand in front of the class, a spiky brown haired man hanging his arm across his chest, the other around his waist. His broad upper body was pressed hotly against Xander's back.

Amber eyes met amber, a spark of something flaring between them. The leather and silk clad man smirked, a hint of fang showing through.

'Vampire.'

'SO this is Xander's werewolf,' Angel thought, his smirk growing at the anger flashing across Lupin's face, 'this is going to be fun.'

"Hey everyone, you all know me! Professor Lupin asked me to talk to you about Vampires today, but I thought of something better. I'm going to let a real Vampire teach you!"

Gasps rang around the room; some students scooting back further away in their chairs. Others, one in particular, leaned forward in their seats.

Xander turned towards his companion, a smile growing on his full lips. Angel leered back and brushed the hand on Xander's chest down to his stomach before pulling away. The arm around his waist stayed put, every so often the long fingers trailed up and down Xander's sides, causing the boy to shiver lightly.

'I'll kill him for touching what is ours…' Moony growled from inside Lupin. The teacher was inclined to agree, but he held back. This was a master vampire, and one of the fiercest out there. While Xander was unclaimed by him, he still knew they were close.

'But not for very much longer…'

"My name is Angelus, the master of the Houser of Aurilious. I am what you call a Master Vampire."

One hand shot up in the air, from a bushy haired girl towards the back. Angel nodded her way, but regretted it instantly.

"What is a master vampire? And the House of Aurilious? Do you have any childes? How many? What are their names? Who was your Sire? And theirs? Why are you the Master now? And-"

Her voice was abruptly silenced by two boy's hands on her mouth. The black haired boy smiled sheepishly while the red head was caught in a glaring contest with the girl. Angel laughed under his breath and leaned in to whisper in Xander's ear.

"She seems to have picked up Xander Babble."

Xander shivered lightly at the touch of breath against his sensitive ear, but laughed along with his friend. He cut off, hearing a growl from beside him. With a quick glance over at his colleague, he shivered more noticeably.

'Oh God…Remus is going to kill Angel…then come after me…' he thought as he caught the gaze of the werewolf. The amber eyes blazed with anger, the wolf inside forcing its way to the surface.

"Um…maybe with wasn't such a good idea…" Xander whispered. Angel smiled down, his own golden eyes filled with mischief.

"You wanted him jealous," Angel murmured back, casting a challenging eye on his opponent, "and I think you got your wish. Now just sit back and let me do all the work…"

Xander sighed and shook his head as Angel draped himself against his body. The vampire began to answer the girl's questions, but Xander heard none of it. Even while his mind was running a mile a minute he could still feel the hot gaze of the werewolf.

'Oh God…this is going to be a long class…'

…TBC…

Tee hee…I have to say I had fun with this! Angel playing Angelus and making Remus jealous…and then Xander stuck in the middle! claps with delight This is so fun! Now what else can I do to torture the pair…hmmm…

Waves people away

…Oh yeah…please review too…

RemusGirl


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Tortured Thoughts"

Xander wandered the halls, a gloomy aura surrounding him. His feet shuffled as he neared the door of his rooms, but he quickly bypassed them. He didn't want to deal with the questions of his friends right now. Not after…

He shook the thought off immediately. The wounds were too fresh to go there right now. He stopped suddenly, a door blocking his path. It swung open and a pair of amber eyes stared at him.

"I thought I told you off already," he growled, crossing his arms across his broad chest. Xander gasped and stepped back, a deep blush spreading through his cheeks. While trying not to think about Remus, he had walked back the way he came, straight to the werewolf's door!

"Um…sorry about that…" he cringed and turned away, tears rushing to his eyes. He sprinted down the hall and away from the object of his affections.

Remus snorted, trying not to pay attention to the smell of tears that was so strong on his boy.

"Damn it," he scowled as he slammed the door to his rooms, "when did I start thinking he was my boy?"

It took all the strength he had to reach his rooms. His friends, while he loved them both, were blissfully gone. He plopped face down onto his couch, the tears he held back now streaking down his cheeks.

"I am so stupid…" he sobbed, remembering what happened earlier that day.

"_I don't like being played with!" Remus growled against the pale skin of Xander's throat. The stench of vampire still clung to the boy, causing his eyes to flash with anger._

_Xander whirled around, fury welling inside of him. He pushed Remus back a few steps and screamed:_

"_Do you think I like being played with? That's all you ever do to me! You grab me and kiss me, then grin and walk away! If you are interested then tell me! But if not, then make room for someone who is!"_

_Xander knew it was a mistake to say those things the moment Remus glared at him. Anger wasn't there anymore…oh no…the wolf was fully rearing its head. And Moony was pissed!_

"_Are you sleeping with the vampire?" he growled stepping forward until they were chest to chest. _

"_No, he has a mate. I'm surprised with your _superior _sense of smell that you couldn't tell!"_

"_Don't push me boy!" Remus snapped, lifting Xander a few inches off the ground. Xander gasped, struggling to get out of the near crushing grip the werewolf had on his arms._

"_So, you just used the man to make me jealous, is that it?"_

"_So what if it is?" Xander answered bravely, glaring at the blazing eyes below him. He was thrust away, landing in a heap on the ground. The young man groaned, rubbing at his sore hip._

"_Get out."_

_Xander looked up, shocked. Remus had turned his back to him, fury written in his very stance._

"_What?"_

"_Get out before I do something I might regret…"_

"_And that would be…?" Xander asked, rising to stand behind the older man. Remus whirled around and thrust a strong hand out to wrap around Xander's neck. Xander struggled, both hands coming up to grip the straining wrist._

"_Hey, let me go! You're hurting me! Please Remus!" he cried out desperately. Tears began to well in his eyes at the bloodlust in his companion's eyes. The plea seemed to snap the man out of it and he dropped Xander to the floor again._

"_GET OUT!" he roared stomping away to his bedroom. He slammed the door behind him, leaving Xander to do the only thing he could. He fled._

Xander held his face in his hands, small screams leaking past. All he wanted was to teach Remus a lesson…now he had lost him forever…

…TBC…

Okay, not the way I wanted to take this story. But I started typing and before I knew it this scene had played out. Now, I know all of you are thinking: "Why is Remus so OOC?" That question will be answered very soon. Just be patient, and please don't hate him too much. He has a good reason, I promise!

Oh! And to answer a question someone had on "Just a Moment", a side story for this fan fiction. The argument in the very beginning, the one about Cavemen and Astronauts, was sort of a side joke for me. In Angel the Series, Fifth Season, episode titled "Hole in the World", Angel and Spike argued for 45 minutes about which of the two would win in a fight. Then it seemed the whole law firm was arguing about it too! It was one of my favorite scenes in the whole show, and it popped into my head when I was writing the side story.

Well, I hope this chapter hasn't run anyone off! Please review! I feed of them!

RemusGirl


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Confessions of a Broken Heart"

WARNING: This does contain mentions of rape. It doesn't get descriptive though. I don't think I could write that.

Xander sighed sadly, his eyes downcast as he slowly ate his dinner. The youthful chatter of the students, which normally would have cheered him up, did nothing for his gloomy demeanor. It had been a month…a long, depressing month since Xander had fought with Remus. During the day they were polite to each other, but Remus made no move to initiate conversation. He no longer visited his rooms for no reason at all, and Xander hadn't felt his feral stare in so long. At night though…the nights were the worst for Xander. His dreams were filled with things that could have been. Heated kisses…sweat soaked skin rubbing forcefully together…Xander woke to the sound of his own tears and stained sheets.

"Dear boy, are you quite alright?" Dumbledore asked quietly, breaking Xander out of his reverie. He lifted his eyes, flinching at the knowing warmth in the wise blue eyes.

"I'm alright Albus."

"Then why are you crying?"

The question left him dumbfounded. He reached up to stroke his face, feeling the dewy wetness covering them. He…he was crying in the middle of the Great Hall, in front of all his colleagues and pupils. He shot to his feet, nearly knocking over his chair in the process. He couldn't get out fast enough, his long legs leading him out the side door and into the halls.

Many stared after him, the commotion startling them from their conversations. The hall grew strangely silent, each person confused at what just occurred. One person, his eyes dim, caught the gaze of the Headmaster. The old man smiled slightly, his blue eyes like ice as they stared at the professor. Remus got to his feet and walked calmly away out the other side door.

"Damn it! I can't take this anymore!" Xander screamed as he chucked his glass against the wall, shattering it to miniscule pieces. He tried, Merlin knows he tried to ignore the tears streaming down his face, but he just couldn't anymore. He collapsed to his knees and covered his face with his hands.

"No more…it's just like before, with him…please no more!"

"Him?"

Xander lifted his face slowly, catching Remus' inquiring gaze. He stumbled back, unsure of what the werewolf wanted.

"What…what…"

"You said him. Was there another person before I came?"

The Muggle Studies teacher shot to his feet, fist clenched and his brown eyes narrowing into slits. He would have looked dangerous to most, but with the tear streaks Remus knew better. He wasn't dangerous right now…he was scared…of him…

"Who says you mean anything to me?"

"You wouldn't have been crying if I didn't." Remus explained calmly, striding past the younger boy to lounge across his couch. Xander turned, mouth agape, as Remus leaned back against the cushions and plopped his feet atop his coffee table.

"So who was this guy?"

Xander sighed, knowing full well that if he didn't answer Remus then they would stay like this all night. He muddled over, sitting as far away from Remus as he could on the couch.

"His name was William…though many called him Spike…" Xander began, breathing slowly in and out as the memories flowed through his mind. The tears, the pain, the humiliation…then the dust…and he was gone…

"Vampire?"

Xander nodded. Remus scooted closer, his arm casually draping itself around Xander's shoulders. The boy unconsciously leaned in closer; desperate for the warmth the werewolf was giving off.

"He was Angelus' Childe, William the Bloody. He came to town while I was a sophomore in high school. He was…charming…kind…everything a teen confused about his sexuality could want."

"Did you know he was a vampire then?"

"Yeah," Xander sighed, his head on Remus' shoulder. Long, rough fingers came up, entangling themselves in the silky softness of Xander's hair. He angled into the soothing touch as it calmed his raw nerves.

"Angel warned me about him. Soulless demon and all of that. But I was in love with Spike; I didn't want to hear anything bad about him…"

"It was our one month anniversary and Spike wanted to take me somewhere special. He said he had something to give me…God, I was so happy then, with him. He never treated me like Donut Boy, or the Zeppo. He was happy to be around me, he said, because I was Xander. I was _his_."

Xander shuddered, his tears leaking past his clenched tight lids. Remus reacted unconsciously, drawing the shaking young man onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around him, holding him close to his heart as he cried.

"I met him where he asked me to, at the Old Jaminson Mansion. There were candles lit everywhere, and he was sitting perfectly still in the middle of it. As I walked closer, I knew, I could feel like something wasn't right. But I didn't trust myself! I should have trusted myself!" Xander screamed, clutching the soft fabric of Remus' shirt. He buried his face in the juncture of Remus' necks, his salty tears soaking the soft wool.

"Shh…it's okay Xander. He won't hurt you here…" Remus crooned, his face rubbing against Xander's chocolate locks. Xander pushed closer, his arms wrapped tightly around Remus' neck.

"He raped me…took me right there on the floor," Xander explained, his words muffled by Remus' clothing.

"It hurt…so bad…I couldn't think or breathe…and all I could think of was someone, please save me. And someone did. I was crying and screaming so hard I didn't hear the scuffle, but the weight was off me and dust was in my eyes. Angel was there then, holding me and letting me cry. He saved me…killed his own Childe for me…when no one else thought to…"

Remus closed his eyes, the smell or tears and pain overwhelming his system. He would have to thank the vamp when he saw him next, for helping his boy.

'My boy…mine…'

"But he's not here now…no one can save me from being alone…" Xander cried, pushing away from the man beneath him. He stood, running towards the door, but Remus was quicker. He caught him; holding the squirming body close to his heart.

"I'm sorry Xander, for doing what I did. But when I thought that that vampire was with you, taking what was mine-"

"Yours?"

The werewolf glanced down into glistening brown eyes full of hope. His boy shifted closer, leaning into his warm touch as Remus brought his hand up to cup his face.

"Mine," Remus growled quietly as he leaned down. Xander shivered slightly at the warm breath against his lips.

"Yours…" Xander whispered again, licking his lips before they were occupied with other things.

…TBC…

ducks flying objects DON'T KILL ME! I had to make Spike that way to fit into the story! I'M SORRY! I WANT TO LIVE!

But other then that, I hope you liked it! And don't worry; Xander is not going to just give in. At least I hope he doesn't…I have no control over this story any longer! But I will try to manipulate it into letting me do my will…gulp…I hope…

REVIEW PLEASE!

RemusGirl


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Problems Solved"

"Wait!" Xander cried out, jerking away from the intense pleasure of Remus' lips. His partner glanced down, questions glowing in his eyes.

"You could have killed me!" Xander scowled, his eyes narrowing into sharp points. Remus cocked his head before recognition dawned on him.

"No, I didn't."

"Like hell you didn't! You had me around the neck!"

"You provoked me, challenged my claim of you by flaunting a _vampire_ around me, on the night of the full moon. If I couldn't kill Angelus, I was going to punish you,' Remus explained calmly, his arms tightening around the now struggling form of his mate.

"THE HELL? That's your excuse? Oh, you are impossible!" Xander fumed, his bottom lip sticking out in a cute pout. Remus settled his gaze on it, itching to nip that full softness. He brought his mouth down against the shell of Xander's ear, his warm breath sending chills down Xander's spine.

"Imagine if I brought a person around you, that hung on me and acted like my lover, on the day that your wolf was at its peak. What would you have done?"

Xander sighed, leaning against the broad chest in front of him. His hands came up to twine themselves in the silky strands at the nape of Remus' neck. His fingers stroked lightly, relishing in the texture of his hair.

"I don't think I'm ready yet Remus…" he murmured, blushing slightly. Remus drew back to cup his heated face in the palms of his hands.

"I can wait for as long as is needed," he whispered before a wicked smile crossed his lips, "just as long as you don't taunt me again. Or not let me kiss you some."

Xander laughed and stood on his toes to sling his arms fully around the werewolf's neck. Remus chuckled also, his arms back around his boy.

"I can live with that…"

…TBC…

I know it was short. This was just an interlude before the main stuff comes. Now, I just wanted to point out that HBP never happened. This is Harry's 6th year at Hogwarts, but I haven't figured out if I want Voldemort to be dead or not…or Sirius either…hmmm…starts plotting…

RemusGirl


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"It Begins"

"Hmm…life is good," Xander purred as he soaked in his bathtub that seemed the size of an Olympic sized swimming pool. He leaned his head back against the tiles; memories of the past few months seeping through.

After making up with his Remus, they both decided to keep it a semi secret. The teachers all knew, as did the well-intentioned meddling Headmaster, but it was best to keep it out of sights from the students. But that never stopped Remus from showing his affections.

It started out with Remus surprising him after classes, or walking so close to him their hands would always touch. He would sit next to Xander at meals since Minerva had graciously given up her seat for him. Of course, they both received a stern yet happy smile from the Transfiguration teacher. Then the gifts started appearing. A rose would sit waiting on top of his plate at meals, another appearing just a Xander would sit down to begin class. Chocolates, books that Xander loved…all of them romantic and thoughtful with each day passing.

Remus would visit him at night, just sit next to him and talk for hours. Sometimes he would stay the night, holding him against the nightmares that sometimes haunted him. He was there every night, never missing a beat. It even got to where Remus would transform in Xander's rooms when the moon was full in the sky. Xander would lay on the floor, reading in low tones while stroking the crisp fu of the werewolf sleeping beside him. It was during the first night, when Xander witnessed the hard transformation that he fell hard for the professor. And he was falling still…

"Yeah," he laughed, bubbles floating around him as he splashed through the water, "Life really is good."

The students though, knew something was up. When each rose appeared Xander would pick it up, blush, and then brush the soft petals against his smiling lips. He would always share the chocolates that he received with everyone, and quoted passages he enjoyed to those who would listen. He was happy; laughing and joking more then he had when he first came to Hogwarts.

"Come off it Hermoine! Professor Lupin and Professor Harris? You have got to be kidding me!" Ron scoffed, flinging a scowl towards his bushy haired friend. She huffed, her hands on her hips. Harry just sat in the middle, a soft sigh escaping as the fight began.

"You've seen them Ronald! At dinner, and when walking the halls! They always walk close to each other, and Ginny even said she saw them hold hands once!"

"That doesn't necessarily mean that they are shagging!"

"Ronald!"

"Come on you two! Just cut it out already! There is no use arguing over something that is none of our business!" Harry shouted, getting between the two before the fight could escalate. The trio sat back down, breathing heavily.

"I can prove it to you!" Hermoine said, a mischievous glint coming into her eyes. Ron and Harry both groaned, knowing she was plotting something.

"Come with me Xander?" Remus asked, lightly brushing their hands together. Xander nodded, blushing slightly. It was after hours and both had just gotten done patrolling the halls for students going out after hours. They walked down the hall towards the Astronomy Tower, hands touching and talking in soft tones. Both climbed steadily up the stairs until they were at the top. Remus opened the door and bowed, causing Xander to giggle lightly.

"After you my dear," Remus growled out playfully.

"Thank you…honey!"

"What did you call me?"

"Um…"

Xander was off like a shot, almost reaching the wall before he was caught up in a strong embrace. Remus lowered his head, crushing their mouths together. As their lips met, Xander moaned lightly, wrapping his arms around Remus' shoulders. His fingers entangled into his hair, clutching the werewolf closer to him. He sighed, opening his mouth slightly, welcoming a warm tongue into his depths. He stroked it with his own, pulling it more firmly inside and sucking on it. It then retreated, Xander following closely behind. Their kiss became fiercer, the silky glide of tongues turning into a battle of dominance, one of which Remus was currently winning. Xander surrendered willingly, his knees collapsing as one of Remus' hands snuck under his robes and shirt to lightly scrape against a puckered nipple. He wrenched back, panting as his robes were almost ripped from his body.

"Remus…" he sobbed as the werewolf bent his head, taking that sweet bud into his mouth. He sucked, pulled, and nipped, each tug causing Xander become a virtual puddle at his feet.

"Remus…not here…" he finally panted out, pulling that sexy mouth away from his aroused body. Remus growled, angry that he was taken away from his pebbled treat.

"You're right," he sighed morosely. A wicked look sprang into his eyes and he swept Xander into his arms, holding him close as he walked towards the door.

"REMUS! Put me down!" Xander screamed, his eyes wide as Remus began to descend the stairs. The man paid no heed to his squirming lover, his mind fixated on just getting to Xander's rooms before someone caught them.

"Um…okay…maybe Hermoine was right…"Ron mumbled, eyes glazed over at the scene he just witnessed. Harry nodded beside him, their shoulders brushing underneath the confides of the invisibility cloak. They both jumped back a little, blushes staining their cheeks.

"So…"

"So…"

"Ron?"

"Yeah Harry?"

"Can…can I kiss you?"

"……sure……"

They slowly came together, looking into each other's eyes as their lips touched. In a world of their own, they never noticed the cloak slip down or the footsteps pounding up the stairs.

"WEASLEY! POTTER! WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?"

Both jerked back, eyes wide as the face of a severely annoyed Professor Snape came into view.

"Uh oh…"

…TBC…

HAHAHAHAHA! Harry and Ron caught snogging by Professor Snape! And Remus is going to eat Xander! So folks, it looks like lemon in next chapter!

Enjoy!

RemusGirl


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